Wattpad Review: Onyx City Gods (Chapters 1-6) by @MrSanguine
- Fern Risher
- May 23, 2017
- 3 min read
C H A P T E R 1
* * * * * 5 Stars!
{Positives} The writing style is very neat and professional. Sentences and paragraphs are well put together. The character introduction and plot build-up are both perfect as well as the mood and environment setting. This chapter alone can stoke the readers' curiosity on the things that are about to unfold as the story progresses.
{Quirks} This chapter kinda' gave me a Ghost in the Shell vibe or maybe it's just me. HAHA! I love that anime movie. Well anyway, this is one of the best opening chapters I've read in Wattpad. I love the voice of your character it's very engaging.
C H A P T E R 2
* * * * 4 Stars!
{Positives} Great sentence construction and the thoughts are conveyed with clarity. The setting, is again, well-described. The exposition of the plot is getting more exciting. Your emotional and scenario descriptions, and mood-setting are very vivid.
{Negatives} There are just minimal grammatical points to adjust. Here are what I have noticed: "...if I wasn't" should be *if I weren't "How they even arrived there, I don't know, nor am I interesting in knowing." This one would be better stated if you make the first phrase a question instead. It's more of an intrapersonal dialogue of the character.
{Quirks} Domino seems to be an interesting character. I love how you crafted her reactions right off the bat.
C H A P T E R 3
* * * * 4 Stars!
{Positives} The writing is very consistent in being organized in thought and in portrayal. As the plot thickens, the story reveals the city in a very grimacing yet interesting way, which make the succeeding chapters exciting to be discovered and read.
Not actually a "negative", but maybe a word of advice that you may or may not take. There are several paragraphs that are very condensed. Usually mobile readers will find this kind of paragraphs tiring to the eyes. Most writers in Wattpad suggest a maximum of 6 lines for a paragraph.
{Quirks} I love your take on technology. For us today, technology is an innovation. Innovation's aim is to improve the lives of many and in this chapter technology actually worsened the condition of humanity and the quality of life. (Eck! So geeky for me to be commenting this way) Anyway! It's really great to be reading a chapter that is not just creative, but also eye-opening.
C H A P T E R 4
* * * * * 5 Stars!
This chapter has the right brevity (being short yet concise). The dialogues are very realistic. You have written them as if you the characters are real people and not just those that exist in the novel. Your descriptions are fantastic as usual.
C H A P T E R 5
* * * * * 5 Stars!
{Positives} What I love about your writing is that you introduce new thrills every chapter. I suggest you keep it this way for the succeeding parts. I know it's hard to do and not all writers can keep the heat every chapter, but if you will be able to maintain it, this will become a successful novel.
Again, just a piece of advise regarding minimizing paragraph lines.
C H A P T E R 6
* * * * 4 Stars!
{Positives} Your consistency in maintaining an orderly arrangement of ideas and your vivid descriptions. All-in-all your story-telling is a great catch. It is the strength of this novel and of your writing style.
{Negatives} "female counterpart to Satan" should be *female counterpart of Satan.
{Quirks} Personally, I would prefer it more if you could utilize the adjectives less when describing the attitude of the character. For me, it would be best if the readers will create or will have their own interpretation of the character/s based on how you make them act, decide and speak.
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